Apologizing to Your Children: 3 Important Tips

Making mistakes as a parent is completely normal and really, apologizing the right way is a lot more important than beating yourself up. 

How do you apologize? Well, while buying them a pretty clutch or an Xbox is awesome, you want to do that as well as really apologize. Here are 3 tips for you. 

Be Genuine

Apologizing genuinely is honestly what you want to do if you’re going to continue to build trust and a strong relationship between you because it’s how you’ll show your child you respect their feelings enough to be accountable.

So, look your child in the eyes, use a calm tone, and directly address the mistake. Just say what you did wrong and express your regret. You don’t want to deflect blame or make excuses.

Say you promised to cheer for your son at a soccer tournament but had to miss it because of work. Try, “I’m sorry I missed your event. I know it was important, and I feel really sorry for not being there as I promised.”

Explain and Learn Together

Context is often helpful for you and your child to understand the situation so that there’s transparency and communication. Learning together means personal growth for you both. 

You want to really share the reasons why as long as it’s appropriate – whether it’s challenges or stressors. Say you lost your temper and raised your voice, explain, “I was stressed about work, but that doesn’t excuse my behavior. I shouldn’t have yelled. Let’s talk about better ways to handle stress, and I’ll work on staying calm in the future.”

The last bit is important as well, going further and having your child be involved in brainstorming solutions. Ask questions like, “What do you think we could do differently next time? How can we both handle stress in a healthier way?”

Use Teachable Moments

Why not kill two birds with one stone? Making apologies into teachable moments can really impart some valuable life lessons and reinforce positive behavior; it turns a negative experience into something more, growth.

You want to talk about values and lessons that tie into the mistake, have your child talk through their thoughts and hammer on how making mistakes is normal, but learning from them is non-negotiable. 

For example, if you forgot to follow through on a promise, here’s what you can say: “I didn’t keep my word, and that’s not okay. Let’s talk about trust and the importance of doing what we say we’ll do. How can we work together to make sure this doesn’t happen again?”

Here’s an opportunity to have them work on a project on rebuilding trust, discovering techniques like setting reminders, or finding ways to communicate more effectively about commitments. 

Mistakes happen! If nothing else, it’s your chance to teach them about accountability and the right way to act in relationships that are important. That way, you not only improve your connection with your kids, but also give them lessons that they can carry with them into their own adult lives.