It’s a year since Sarah Everard was murdered in London by Wayne Couzens, a male police officer. Ahead of the anniversary, Positive News spoke to men – including a youth education leader – who are helping dismantle the culture that allows gender-based violence to flourish
Ben Hurst, who works with the charity Beyond Equality to promote a rethinking masculinity and holding men accountable in positive ways, visits schools, universities, workplaces, and other places.
Strong. Leader. Breadwinner. Penis. These are the most common descriptions of men secondary school boys use to describe men when Ben Hurst engages in a quickfire game called free word association. Vagina. Kitchen. Makeup. Sandwiches. These are the common responses when he writes ‘women’ on the whiteboard.
You might be baulking at their answers. But the exercise draws out the boys’ perceptions of gender “so that we can deconstruct them”, says Hurst, who is head of facilitation at the charity Beyond Equality. The charity provides workshops to boys and girls in schools, universities, and workplaces. It aims to encourage a rethinking of what it means for a man and prevent gender-based violence.
“I’ll then read them all out and ask, ‘why did you write ‘kitchen’’? If they can’t justify their response, their team loses a point. “They might say, women have traditionally been expected to cook. And then we’ll have a conversation about that. Is that where it came from? Who decided that in history?”
This icebreaker activity encourages them question long-held gender myths. What do they think about crying? Why is it ‘better’ to punch someone who embarrasses them, rather than talking to them? They also discuss male suicide rates and prison population.
“We try to build a picture of what masculinity actually means for us, and how it disproportionately affects everyone else,” Hurst explains. At the end of a session, he asks groups what they think men are supposed to be, and what women are supposed to be, and whether that’s fair. What could they do to change masculinity?
Seeing the “lightbulb moments”, when boys recognise that beliefs they have long held as dogma are merely constructs, is “the joy of being a facilitator”, he notes. It is an epiphany for some boys to realize they can defy social expectations and paint their nails, or wear makeup. “They feel like they’ve been cheated; there’s this script they’ve been fed of who they’re meant to be.”
Hurst didn’t fit the mould of conventional masculinity growing up, preferring dolls to football. Sam Bush
Hurst wishes he’d had the opportunity to have these conversations when he was at school. Growing up, he did not fit the mould: “I wasn’t into cars, I wasn’t into football. I was playing with my sisters’ Barbies.”
He was a fervent Christian who aspired to become a pastor. He also studied at a bible college. “But I was kicked out for having sex [before marriage] in my final year.” Stints as a teaching assistant followed, before he got a job with a charity teaching sex education in south London schools, where he was tasked to develop a project for boys on how to be a good man.
Hurst approached an earlier version of Beyond Equality to get help with resources. He attended one of their volunteer training sessions. “It was intense, the first time I’ve been in a room full of men where we’re all actually talking. It was the first. [I began to see the world] through the lens of intersectional feminism.”
Some boys find it a great epiphany to realize they can wear makeup and reject social expectations.
Hurst was a volunteer for Beyond Equality for one year before becoming staff. He now trains other volunteers to present workshops. “I think I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing now, which is a nice feeling,” he says. He and his fellow facilitators will typically see a whole year group with boys three times per academic year for sessions about masculinity, consent, healthy relationships, violence against women, and girls.
The workshops are welcomed by the majority of boys. Hurst is happy to hear that students have been able come out about their sexual orientations and gender identities after the workshops. He says that girls feel more comfortable after receiving feedback.
“They feel more comfortable challenging the boys [about problem behaviour] and they feel more supported by the boys when they do challenge them.”
In 2019, Hurst gave a TEDx talk titled ‘Boys won’t be boys. Boys will be what we teach them to be’. Seeing change happening in real time, when he’s in a classroom full of unruly pupils is what gives him hope for a better future, he says. “Our aim is to work ourselves out of a job.”
Main image: Sam Bush
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