Marking the anniversary of a loved one’s death is an important ritual for many families. But these events don’t need to be only sorrowful. Two women share how they find joy and meaning in celebrating the loss of someone they love.
Reggae, spicy Jamaican cuisine and incense
Vincent Lloyd Robinson was a popular character and a well-loved person. “People still talk about him now,” almost 14 years after he passed away from lung cancer, says his daughter Tamika Martin, who was 27 when he died.
Every year, on the anniversary of her dad’s death, Martin holds a day to celebrate his memory.
“I play his favourite reggae songs and light incense sticks around the house,” she says. “We usually have a family dinner: me and my kids. It’s always Caribbean cuisine, as he was a Jamaican man who loved his traditional dish: rice, peas and curry.”
For Martin, it keeps her father’s memory alive. “It makes me feel good to put him on a pedestal; it’s like I’m paying homage to him by doing the things he loved and it’s a celebration of life.”
Tamika Martin (pictured at the center) and her family remember Vincent Lloyd Robinson. Image: David Severn
Robinson, who arrived in England in his twenties, was a pioneer in the shebeens of Nottingham, underground blues parties that celebrated Black culture from the 1950s through the 1980s, when racism was rampant in the UK.
At these hidden house parties, Martin’s father would often be “suited and booted” in a tuxedo and shiny, polished shoes, tearing up the dancefloor. “He was a very well-dressed man,” Martin recalls. “My dad used to think he was James Brown; he’d swirl and spin around. He used to say no one could dance better than him.”
Martin plays Groovy Little Thing from Beres Hammond to mark the anniversary of his death. “My dad used to dance to it – it always gets to me, that song,” she says. Instead of dwelling in sadness, she dances with joy.
My dad used to believe he was James Brown. He used to think that no one could dance better then him.
When he wasn’t busy being the life and soul of the party, Robinson loved gardening and painting and decorating. Martin, a mother herself, remembers her father lighting incense each day as a child. “When he got up in the morning, he’d put the kettle on for a cup of tea, light incense and stick it in his plants. He’d say it wards the bad spirits away and gives energy.”
Robinson loved hot and spicy food. “I remember him eating and looking under pressure,” his daughter recalls with a smile. “He’d have his napkin there wiping off his sweat, and I’d wonder why he did it to himself.”
Martin and her family now have spicy food on her father’s anniversary. “My kids love it,” she says. Robinson was generous, kind, and full humour. “He had a big heart and a vibe that is hard to come by these days,” Martin says. “He will forever be missed, but not forgotten.”
A day spent hiking the Welsh mountains
Jane Hart also misses Peter Dunster, her father who died in 2010 from rare blood cancer. She is honoring his memory by doing what he enjoyed. “My dad was a kind, honest and very hard-working man,” Hart says. “Family was extremely important to him.”
Jane Hart celebrates her dad by hiking in the Brecon Beacons
Dunster came from a farming background, but he was also a sales manager. His daughter said that Dunster was most happy outside. He loved gardening, painting fences and climbing mountains. He also enjoyed playing golf and relaxing outside on a deckchair. He loved to hike in the Welsh mountains each year with his brother, friends, and family. “He loved being in the mountains and sitting around the campfire at night,” Hart says.
Jane and her family honour his memory in August – the month he was born and when he died – by going hiking. “We did a really special trip back to the Brecon Beacons in summer 2019 with my eldest brother and my children,” she says. “We stayed at the same farm that Dad went to, and my brother showed us the exact route they used to take. My dad would have been so happy to see us all there together.”
I feel like my Dad is there with me in the mountains. It’s really comforting, makes me feel mentally stronger
Hart feels closest to her father when she’s in nature: “I just get a strong sense that Dad is with me in the mountains or in wide open spaces. It’s really comforting, and makes me feel mentally stronger.”
Her children now also love hiking, so Hart feels she’s passed on her father’s legacy. It’s what he would have wanted, she feels: “There’s nothing my dad hated more than people moping around graves when someone had gone. He always said you have to do right by people when they’re here, not have regrets later.”
The hike day is an emotional and special day for the entire family. “Whenever I see planes leave a trail in a cross shape, I say it’s a kiss from grandad Peter in the sky,” Hart says. “On the day we went to Brecon for him, the sky was full of kisses.”
Main image: David Severn
