Are we all so used to taking sex advice from Hollywood that we can't handle some good, biblical counsel from Christians on the matter? It seems that's how some people feel. Jill Dillard (formerly Duggar) is celebrating her 5th year of marriage to her husband, Derick, and she recently offered some marital advice on her blog.
Though the blog title is "More Than Sex: How To Love Your Husband," the sex advice part is what critics zeroed in on. Jill, 28, wrote, "Have sex often! You both need this time together regularly (3-4 times a week is a good start. lol). And when you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate. Let your spouse know that you’re aways available."
"Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone," continued the mother of two young boys. "Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting! (Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Corinthians 7:5) If you’re struggling with sex with your spouse, GET HELP! See a doctor and/or licensed counselor and don’t be afraid to get second opinions!"
Jill's proactive take on sex in marriage is not the stereotypical norm of either Christians or married people in general, who are often painted as being lackluster towards their partner once married. But Dillard may be following in the footsteps of her mother, Michelle Duggar, who said in an interview: "In your marriage, there will be times you're going to be very exhausted. Your hubby comes home after a hard day's work, you get the baby to bed, and he is going to be looking forward to that time with you. Be available. Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has, and you always need to be available when he calls."
As to be expected, many women found offense with Jill Dillard's advice. Fox News reported some of the negative comments.
"Having sex 3-4 times a week,, whether the woman wants to or not, is how people end up with 19 kids and counting," one comment read. "Woah...I didn’t realize we went back to the 1950s," another said. Another wrote, "This is so incredibly disturbing."
"It seems very unhealthy to me that some women are taught that sex is about a mans needs. Women love sex too, woman have fantasies and desires just as much as men. Are they taught about how to please their wife sexually? Im guessing no. When sex is prioritized according to the man's needs it instantly becomes about power and dominance. Not being equal," a commenter wrote.
But others were very supportive. "I loved this Jill! Thank you so much for sharing from your heart. We seek to practice many of these tips but there are some that were new to me that I plan to incorporate. I also love the Scripture references. Thanks for being an example," thanked one woman.
"This is such a great post Jill!!!! Well said and very encouraging. I feel like it was just what I needed this morning, even though I didn’t know it! Thank you for sharing this wisdom," said another.
Jill's "controversial" sex advice was picked up by the media, landing in popular columns of US Weekly and People. Naturally Jill's other great marriage advice was found grossly underreported, in leui of her "3 to 4 times a week" advice.
Some of the other great tips she gave included having open and honest communicating, especially surrounding misunderstandings. "Tell your spouse when they hurt you or when you have a problem with something and be quick to forgive!" Dillard wrote. "Speak up in love or else the problem will just linger and you may suffer unnecessarily and resentment might build up. See a licensed counselor or get help if problems persist! (Eph. 4:25-27; Matthew 18) However, if you are in an abusive relationship, do NOT stay! Report immediately to the authorities, get help and find a safe place to stay and get counseling from a licensed christian counselor!"
Jill also recommended clearing the schedule to prioritize family time, very pertinent advice in this busy time we live in. "Make time with your family a priority. Look for ways to spend time together with your kids and husband. You may have to cut out some activities that are taking away from family time," she shared.
You can read all of Dillard's tips (and the reaction to them) at her blog. What do you think of her marriage advice and the negative reaction to it? Share what you think in the comments! We want to know. Thank you!