Diagnosed with cancer refusing to ask ‘Why Me?’

It’s been two months since my bone marrow most cancers analysis. Two weeks since I returned dwelling from my first go to to Fred Hutchinson Most cancers Heart in Seattle.

Two days till my first bone marrow biopsy – the outcomes of which is able to designate me as Stage 1, 2 or 3. Myeloma doesn’t have a Stage 4. This staging biopsy would be the last piece within the puzzle that may inform my remedy.

The biopsy will depend the white cells, purple cells, plasma, and proteins in my bone marrow. They’ve caught this early. M-protein ranges are excessive in my physique, which is NOT “regular.”

I need to shout: “I by no means claimed to be regular!” Laughter can heal. I’m even exploring laughing yoga. HAH!

A photo of Carolyn Bolton

Carolyn Bolton

I’m studying all types of latest medical designations and I’m leaning right into a spirit of gratitude in all of this, as a result of actuality is that my numbers could possibly be SO a lot worse.

With the intention to reduce journey prices for my assessments and appointments, Fred Hutchinson in Seattle is collaborating with my native Idaho medical system.

Hematologist visits might be carried out through Zoom, and the bone marrow biopsy will happen right here, which I’m instructed is an easier course of than a childbirth spinal block. My two grownup youngsters are virtually 40, and I by no means had a type of throughout their births! Occasions have definitely modified, and so have I.

A photo of Carolyn with her late mom.

Carolyn along with her late mother

I might be shifting to Seattle in January 2024. Myeloma might be part of my life for the remainder of my life. I’ve certified for an reasonably priced, rent-controlled senior studio house in a 12-story constructing—hallelujah!

So, I’m sorting and shedding oodles of possessions, preserving solely what I’ll take by U-Haul to furnish my studio house there. This course of feels extremely hopeful and truthfully lightens my spirit.

Carolyn with her two kids

Carolyn along with her two youngsters

I’m deeply grateful for the assist and love from buddies in all of the locations I’ve lived. Their provides of help, firm throughout my medical procedures, and the possibility to attach with buddies present great consolation whereas I’m coping with ‘my actuality.’ These friendships will endure past my time in Southern Idaho.

The nights might be more difficult after receiving the massive “C” analysis. Whereas I take pleasure in residing alone, solitude can really feel heavy when worries and uncertainties weigh on my chest at 2 a.m.

So, I envision myself as a Care Bear (keep in mind these?), radiating love into the world from the chilly heaviness in my coronary heart. Actually, it helps.

Carolyn with a good friend

Carolyn with a superb pal

Every single day is totally different, however I’m feeling principally okay bodily. The fatigue and spinal ache I’ve lived with for fairly some time persist, however now I do know why. I do my greatest to honor what my physique tells me it wants in any given hour or day.

I select to not make investments time or power in asking, “Why me?” The extra profound query is, “Why not me?” Many individuals all over the world confront vital challenges day-after-day, and there’s no inherent purpose I ought to be exempt from life’s trials.

Carolyn Bolton with friends hiking

Carolyn with buddies climbing

I’m definitely working by means of the phases of grief. Life, as I’ve identified it, has all of a sudden and completely modified. I’ve found that even in my grief, there’s magnificence.

Many little issues I like, such nearly as good music, a comforting cup of tea, walks with my canine, and conversations with buddies, carry immense consolation to my spirit.

On this most difficult time in my life as I confront most cancers, Acceptance and Hope shine because the guiding lights propelling me. I’m studying to dwell with my actuality. There might be good days and unhealthy days, however it doesn’t matter what comes my approach, I’ll preserve shifting ahead.

Carolyn on the day of her biopsy procedure

Carolyn on the day of her biopsy process

“I don’t encourage false positivity. Be unhappy if you’re unhappy. Cry when you should. Be indignant if you’re. Let it out. Then let it go. Honor your feelings, however all the time select to dwell on the constructive ones.” ~Charity Telmo

Editor’s Word: “It’s no secret that most cancers not solely impacts one’s psychological and bodily well being however also can have a major monetary affect on a affected person. We perceive that instances are robust for a lot of, and your assist would imply the world to Carolyn. Whether or not it’s by means of a donation, sharing the marketing campaign, or just spreading the phrase, each bit helps immensely. Your kindness and generosity could make a major distinction in her journey. Please go to her GoFundMe web page.


Concerning the Writer:
Carolyn Bolton is a ‘Go-To-Particular person’—family and friends will all the time discover a serving to hand, a shoulder to cry on, and a listening ear with Carolyn. Should you’ve had the privilege of figuring out or assembly Carolyn, you’re conscious of her extraordinary compassion. However above all, she is a mom, grandmother, lover of animals, pal to many … dreamer, thinker, survivor, author, musician … endlessly curious and deeply dedicated to these she loves.