Environmentalists Targeting New ‘Climate Change’ Culprit: Sandwiches

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January 25, 2018Jan 25, 2018

Who knew that Dagwood Bumstead was such an enemy of the earth?

That’s essentially the message coming out of a team of environmental scientists who carefully analyzed 40 different sandwiches to determine how the consumption of them could ultimately help doom the planet. According to New Atlas, the University of Manchester researchers said the annual carbon emissions from sandwich production in Britain alone matches the carbon emissions of all their vehicles.

What makes this favorite lunchtime fare so toxic? Its entire life-cycle, from growing the ingredients to transporting them to the sandwich makers to packaging and storing them. The study says the pre-made sandwiches you buy are twice as dangerous as the ones you make at home, but neither is very green.

The biggest culprits, they say, are pre-made breakfast sandwiches that combine eggs, sausage, and bacon and have to be refrigerated until ready to consume. The least earth-unfriendly are those sad little ham and cheese sandwiches you make at home.

The ingredients they targeted the most as climate-killers are cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, prawns, pork, and other meats. That’s no good news for the BLT.

Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh mocked the study on Thursday.

“The first study of its kind!” he exclaimed. “Remember, somebody decided they wanted to study the effect of sandwiches on climate change. That means that somebody got a grant from some idiot government to do it.”

“They’re losing their minds on the other side, folks,” he concluded, “and we’re watching it happen to ’em, with a smile on our face.”

The real question is, how is Dagwood able to eat so many towering sandwiches without gaining a single pound in 88 years?

What do you think of this? In urgent news, please keep an eye out for a missing 4-year-old boy. And pray that he’s found soon!

Next: FBI Joins Search for Missing 4-Year-Old, Tone of Operation ChangesJan 25, 2018